


3 years

by Kneekeyta



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:05:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kneekeyta/pseuds/Kneekeyta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>summary: finn releases at hit song years after rae broke up with him..>we are just going to pretend he wrote it but it’s actually by Kodaline All I Want</p>
            </blockquote>





	3 years

“That was All I Want by The Finn Nelson Project holding the number one spot for 7 weeks straight; we have Finn here in the studio to answer some questions, so how are you handling your sudden success?”

“Well to be honest its quite overwhelming, I set out to be a radio dj and now her I am, my song being played on the radio” he answered still amazed at the fact that he was the one being interviewed.

“It is a very emotional song, so full of heart break; did you write it with someone in mind?”

“Yeah…I did..” he answered hesitantly

“Does this person know this song is about them..or can you give us a bit of back story?”

“I’m sure if she heard the song she knows it’s about her, I would rather not discuss that part of my life…”

“So you do not keep in contact?”

“No….we don’t” he answered his voice dripping with heart break.

Finn answered a few more questions the dj had about whether or not he would be touring and if he had plans for a second album.

“Well, thank you for coming into today, that was Finn Nelson of The Finn Nelson Project, don’t forget tomorrow is his charity concert in Londond for Young Minds: helping kids and teens with mental illnesses”

Finn exited the studio making his way to a black car to drive him to his hotel. As he entered his hotel room he took off his plaid shirt and laid on the bed his mind wandering to summer ’96.

Rae..as in Raymond

Thank you Rae for your in depth knowledge..

Maybe I don’t want to be your friend..

Tea makes everything alright…

I need to tell you something..

He was brought out of his thoughts when the phone began to ring; he sat up wiping his tears before answering. His manager explained that the head of the charity would like to meet with him an hour before the show the next day, Finn agreed and hung up the phone.

Finn grabbed his guitar next to him and began plucking at the strings, he played the song in its entirety with no vocals only tears streaming down his face as he thought about is first and only love and the short time they spent together.

—

It was the day of the charity concert, Finn was waiting to meet with the head of the charity anxiously shaking his knee, there was a knock on the door and Finn stood up, he was greeted by an older gentleman.

“Hi, Mr. Nelson, My name is Kester Gill I’m pleased to meet you” he smiled as he held out his hand

“Nice to meet you as well Mr. Gill” Finn smiled as he shook his hand

“Call me Kester that’s what Rae always called me” he smiled as he sat down across from where Finn was standing, figuring he would have recognized his name by now, even though they never met he knew this was Rae’s Finn

Finns face dropped and turned pale at the mention of her name, he hadn’t heard her name in over two years not since he moved….he kept in contact with his friends but they knew better than to mention her.

“What’s wrong Finn” Kester asked making his way to stand but Finn stumbled some before taking the seat across from Kester.

“She..I..you knew Rae” he asked as he tripped over his words

“Yes, I was her therapist a few years back, she didn’t tell you” Kester sat forward leaning his elbows on his knees

Finn just shook his head “how is she have you heard from her?” he asked finally able to speak after several moments

Kester sat back in his chair “I get a phone call now and then she seems to be doing better..you mean to tell me you two don’t keep in touch” he asked curiously, remembering all the sessions Rae would speak about Finn and how much she was in love with him.

“No..I..she left..she didn’t tell me where she was going, just that she would come back when she was better..but she never did” he lowered his eyes as his voice cracked and a tear fell onto his lap.

Kester stood up walking over to Finn placing his hand on his shoulder as Finn began to sob “She went to a psychiatric hospital in Leeds, Finn.” He said softly and waited for Finn to answer

Finn wiped his tears looking up at Kester “why didn’t she tell me..I loved her..I still love her I would have helped her I would have been there for her..” he pleaded

“I know you would have Finn..I have no doubt that she loves you as well; look at it this way she loved you enough to seek help, in a sense she put you first, if she got better on her own then the way she saw it is she wouldn’t have to drag you down with her” Kester pulled a chair closer to Finn

“You said she seems better..so why hasn’t she tried to contact me..” he looked at him with a tear stained face

“Finn..” there was a knock on the door, it opened and it was Finns manager saying he had 30 minutes until the show and needed to warm up.

Finn shook his head as Kester stood up to leave as he made his way to the door he turned back to Finn

“I trust she will come back to you when she is ready Finn, I have no doubts about that, just remember what I told you and all that she’s been through..” Kester nodded at Finn and closed the door behind him.

—

“Let’s give a warm welcome to Finn Nelson of The Finn Nelson Project”

Finn walked on to the stage with his guitar and sat on a stool adjusting the mic stand in front of him, he would only be playing his hit song acoustically.

“Thank you for having me, this charity is very close to my heart, I hope you enjoy the show” he smiled as much as he could.

As he began to strum his guitar he closed his eyes, memories of him and Rae flooding his mind in pieces, the events never playing in the order they happened..

All I want is nothing more  
To hear you knocking at my door  
‘Cause if I could see your face once more  
I could die as a happy man I’m sure

Look May..it’s Rae

Give us a hug

Finn don’t say it if you don’t mean it..I don’t believe you

When you said your last goodbye  
I died a little bit inside  
I lay in tears in bed all night  
Alone without you by my side

I like talking to you and I don’t like talking to anyone..

So are we alright..yea we’re alright..

You wanna go for a walk, girl..

But If you loved me  
Why did you leave me

I don’t wanna go out anymore I just wanna be friends..

Rae what have I done…

It’s not you Finn it’s me..please just understand

Take my body  
Take my body  
All I want is  
All I need is  
To find somebody  
I’ll find somebody

I need to get help I can’t take it, Finn please just let me go, I’ll come back I promise

No Rae you can’t just run away..

‘Cause you brought out the best of me  
A part of me I’d never seen  
You took my soul wiped it clean  
Our love was made for movie screens

Apologize to her now..

What I thought this was your favorite song..

Cause I got some really crap reggae I wanna show ya..

And you can give me some personal hygiene tips..

But If you loved me  
Why did you leave me  
Take my body  
Take my body  
All I want is  
All I need is  
To find somebody  
I’ll find somebody

I’m glad you like me because I’ve got a surprise for you..

Why do you like me..

Because I just do..

But why.. I’m a 4 and you’re and 11

Ooh, if you loved me  
Why did you leave me  
Take my body  
Take my body  
All I want is  
All I need is  
To find somebody  
I’ll find somebody

Like you, ooh

My Finn,

I love you, I just need to get help..I can’t handle the voices in my head and the stares..

I need you to know that, that night in the Caravan was the best night of my life..I never thought I would 

Know what it would feel like to be wanted in that way or in any way that you’ve shown me, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me I hope you don’t hate me, I promise I’ll come back when I’m better.

I’ll love you always –Rae

During his five minute song Finn replayed his memories with Rae by the end he was in tears, he could understand that she needed help but not why she had to leave town or why she never contacted him, he carried the note she left him every day.

As the crowd clapped he opened his glistening eyes and smiled and stood to make his way off stage, as he turned to his right and walked a few steps he stopped and did a double take putting his hand up to cover the sun as he looked out into the crowd, he saw her, smiling through her tears; his hands dropped to his sides his mouth agape as she began to walk slowly through the crowd towards the stage, he put his guitar down and jumped of the stage pushing his way through the crowd until he came face to face with Rae.

As they stood in front of each other with tear stained faces silent, a small smile playing on Rae’s lips Finn reached down for her hand lacing their fingers together.

Rae squeezed his hand as he led her through the crowd towards his dressing room. As they entered his dressing room, Rae turned to Finn as he began to sob and pulled her into a hug. After a few minutes Rae tried to break the hug

“Finn..” she chuckled slightly “you’re hurting me”

Finn laughed slightly as he let her out of the hug “I’m sorry… I just didn’t think you were real”

He said as he wiped his face on the back of his sleeve, he brought his hand up to her cheek gently caressing it as she sighed and leaned into it.

“I missed you” he said softly as he looked deep into her eyes

She smiled at him “I missed you too”

“Then why” he asked as he dropped his hand, thinking now he would finally get and actual conversation after three years of being left in the dark.

“I told you why Finn..” she sighed a took a step back from him

“No..not really Rae you never talked to me..you never let me in” he raised his voice taking a step towards her as she turned to face away from him

“Finn I’m sorry I just couldn’t understand why someone like you could like someone like me and it didn’t help that everybody in college made snide comments about me and us, I couldn’t let you go through that, I thought if I got help and learned to ignore people I would be better for you, for us..” she explained quietly as she faced away from him tears streaming down her face.

“Why didn’t you just tell me, I loved you Rae I would have defended you, defended us, but you chose to break my heart instead of letting me in..” he walked around standing in front of her bringing his hand to guide her face so she would look at him.

“It wasn’t that simple Finn, I was ill the voices in my head kept telling me you were too good for me, no matter how hard I tried to block them out..I didn’t want to leave but I had to..I wanted to get better for you, for me, for us..” she sighed

“I’m sorry” she whispered

“So are you better” he asked as she finally looked at him

She shook her head yes “So is that why you’re here, you’re better..so you think I’ll take you back” he said with a hint of anger

She looked to him her eyes wide tears ready to spill, she shook her head ‘no’ seeing as that is not what he wanted..

“I had hoped for…never mind I’m just going to go..” she turned to head for the door but Finn stopped her

“No..don’t leave, what you were going to say” he held on tight to her arm, he wasn’t going to let her slip out of his life again.

“Just leave it Finn..you’re mad enough at me already..” she said trying to jerk away from him

“No Rae you’re going to talk to me..you’re not shutting me out again!” he screamed

She turned to face him her hard glare softening as she saw at the pain in his eyes.

“Just please don’t be to mad and try to understand” she said softly as she reached to take his hand off her right arm.

He let go of her arm and watched as she walked out the door shutting it behind her. He fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably a few minutes had past and he was still on his knees crying into his hands when the door opened.

He removed his hands from his face looking up at Rae, who’s eyes were glistening tears ready to fall at any moment, Finn was about to stand up when Rae brought her hand from behind her back guiding a little girl from behind her.

Finn looked from Rae to the little girl in shock; she clung to Rae’s leg while she chewed on her left thumb nervously.

“Finn, this is.. Ivy Lyn..Nelson” she looked down to Ivy giving her a bit of a nudge

Finn gasped at hearing his nans name, he looked to Ivy and saw she had the same eyes as him and same strong jawline, her hair was long and wild like Rae’s and she had Rae’s button nose.

Ivy walked over to Finn chewing on her thumb, Finn smiled at her as sniffed back his tears, she brought her little hand up placing it on his right cheek.

“Daddy what happened to your face” she whispered as she drug her fingers along his scar

Finn smiled at her as he began to cry “it’s a long story my baby” he pulled her into a hug and lifted her off the ground swinging her around, it was his little girl, his and Rae’s little girl, he never knew you could love someone this much after only just meeting them.

Ivy started to laugh telling her dad to put her down; she giggled and ran over to her mum

“Mummy is daddy coming home with us” she looked up to Rae

Rae looked to Finn he smiled and looked to Ivy “of course I’m coming home with you my love” she ran to him and he picked her up in one fluid motion.

He walked up to Rae holding out his hand smiling at her, she took his hand lacing their fingers together to make their way home.

—

Rae sat in her lounge as Finn put Ivy to bed, nervous because she knows she has done him wrong in more ways than one.

“She’s asleep” he said and sighed rubbing the back of his neck, Rae stood up as he walked towards her

“Finn..I’m so sorry I hurt you and that I didn’t tell you about Ivy..I just wanted to be better..” she started to cry, Finn waited for her to continue.

“At first I wanted to be better for you because I loved you so much..then I needed to better for her.. I know you were upset that I left..but you have to understand I was ill..I said I would come back but as time went on I figured you would have moved on..” she sobbed

“When I found out I was pregnant..I wanted to call you and tell you but I thought you would hate me..I’m so sorry Finn I know you could never forgive me..but I need you to know she knew you were her dad I always showed her pictures and now..well she hears you on the radio” she tried to catch her breath as she hunched over

Finn came up to her and began to rub her back until her breathing evened out.

As she stood coming face to face with him she saw his eyes glistening and his face was soft.

“Rae I am mad but I can understand why you did what you did even though I don’t agree with it..I know you were ill and this is partly my fault too, for not realizing something was off with you back then and for that I’m sorry..I should have tried harder..” tears began to stream down his face

“Finn you were perfect, it was me.. I’m the one who fucked up, the stupid voices in my head..and I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me but..Ivy..” she sighed

Finn smiled at her as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear “Rae..have you not listened to the song I wrote..” he trailed off

“Yes, you did break my heart and I wasn’t sure if you would come back..I hoped you would, then a few months past and I thought I could get over you..find someone else..but I couldn’t ..”

“There is no one else for me..I love you and I love Ivy, you’re the only one I want.” he smiled leaning in placing a gentle kiss on her lips

Rae sighed as they pulled apart foreheads touching “I love you too, Finn”

“I’m glad you’re better but I’m upset that I missed out on so much with Ivy..” he sighed

“I documented it all Finn..I know it’s not the same..” she sighed

He smiled “good I’ll have a look at it tomorrow”  
They still had a lot to talk about but they had plenty of time take care of that later, they had forever really, because right now Finn couldn’t be happier to have his one and only true love back in his life along with his beautiful little girl.   
He pulled her into him kissing her deeply, Rae letting out a small moan she ran her hands up his chest bringing them around to the back of his neck fingers combing through his hair.

Finn moaned deeply at the sensation whispering against her lips “bedroom”

Rae nodded taking Finns hand in hers, as they walked down the hall to her bedroom they looked in on their daughter sound asleep clutching a picture of Rae and Finn to her chest.

They smiled at each other as they entered the master suite

“Should we try for a second” Finn said as he wrapped his arms around Rae

She smiled pulling him in for a kiss as he kicked the door shut with his foot.


End file.
